WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL, I would sing and sing and sing. Then I begun taking violin lessons and played for many years, but never quite enjoyed it. But as I got a little older, I started taking singing lessons instead. That was SO much fun. I loved every second of it!
When I used to gather with others around a piano to sing, I was always the one to endure for the longest time. For me, there is so much joy in music! (Not so much in listening as in participating). Yes, I would be singing ALL the time. Then ... the singing stoped. (That is another story).
When my man (who is a musician) was a little boy – his mother tells – he would suddenly come in after being out playing with the other children. He would jump up the table with his little harmonica saying he had to come in “because he got such an urge for playing!”. And he would play! That was then. And that was good. That little boy found joy in the music!
My man is a composer, a pianist and percussionist and makes the most beautiful music!
It would have been so good if he and I sung/played together. It would have been heavenly! But we do not. He does not do music for fun. We don’t gather in our house around music for the joy of it. The JOY OF IT...
When I was a little girl I would enjoy sitting drawing. I did it a lot. I do not do that now, although my now 83 years old mother keeps encouraging me to. She does so, because SHE still plays with pens, charcoals lines, colors, paper. Everyday. As much as she can. That is her life. She still finds joy in it like a child.
You know what happened the other day? I got an urge for drawing! Which I ignored. The following morning I did again. (This time I caught a pencil and some paper).
And I realized that I am with my art practice like my man is with his music – I do not do it just for the fun of it. This was a (sad) epiphany!
But I have found so much more joy lately in my painting, for which I am so utterly grateful! I will write more about that one of these days.
Now I know that what I have to do, is reclaiming that playfulness. I must practice PLAYFULNESS along side with my job as a happy painter! Because, it is impossible to JUST and only WORK with art.